Well Phoenix and I again had an eventful weekend a couple of weeks back, and it, of course, inspired me to share the story. Now, in addition to the small trips we had planned, which included Nuremberg, Neuschwanstein Castle, and Wurzburg, Germany. However, the one other big trip we had planned, other than Venice which we recounted in my last blog, was to the Eagle’s Nest.
Now, most of you are probably wondering what I’m talking about. So let me elaborate. The Kehlsteinhaus, as it is called in German, is the only surviving structures from the era of Adolf Hitler. This structure was a present meant for Hitler’s 50th birthday, though he visited it very rarely, and it was used mostly for visiting dignitaries. It is quite literally built on the top of a mountain looking over Austria and Germany. Not only do you have to ride a bus up the side of a mountain and through 5 manmade tunnels through the mountain, but you also have to take an elevator that is built into the center of the mountain. The building is still layout out and structured much as it was in the 1940s. The only reason that it was even spared at the end of the war was because Hitler visited it so infrequently that it wasn’t considered to be significantly important to him.
Phoenix and I took to this trip pretty excitedly. Me, being a history buff, found the background fascinating. We took the bus ride up to top with anticipation, expecting to see this glorious view as far as the eye could see. Instead, when we got to the top, we saw this.
That’s right. The day of our trip turned out to be one of the cloudiest days of the duration of Phoenix’s stay with me in Europe. We quite literally spent the day wandering through the clouds at the Eagle’s Nest, so high in the sky that we could see nothing but each other, and sometimes the house itself if we were close enough. Can we say slightly disappointing?
I’m recounting this and reflecting on the time we spent together or the past few weeks. Phoenix is getting back on that plane tomorrow, and going home. I’m not going to lie; I am looking at that sentence right now with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat. I may be a grown woman, but I have learned, and been sharply reminded in the past few weeks how much a girl can need her mother. Green Lantern leaving for deployment was heart-wrenching. This makes me feel the same kind of emotion in my gut, but in a different way.
I always hope that goodbyes are going to get easier. So far, my experience has proven otherwise. Leaving the people we love is hard, but there is almost always something to look forward to. There is a goal, a focus, a plan. I hated leaving my parents to come to Europe and it broke my heart to be thousands of miles away. However, I had a whole new life to look forward to. I was coming to be with my Lantern. I couldn’t waste a single precious moment of our time together before he would leave to go fight his own battles.
As much as leaving hurts, being the one here, watching them go, has got to be worse. What do I have to look forward to when I come back tomorrow? My dog? My cat? Yes, of course. However, what is going to ring the loudest is the suddenly empty house again. No talking, no laughing. No one to share stories or meals. No one to play games with or watch movies with. No Mom.
I can’t stress enough the importance and gratitude I feel in every ounce of my heart right now for my Phoenix. I am so happy that she came to spend the summer with me. It made my time without Green Lantern not only bearable, but so much easier. I am constantly reminded of the beautiful bond between mother and daughter, and how much she did for me growing up. My Mom is the reason I grew up to be this capable, strong Batgirl. My mom showed me how to be a good wife. She showed me how to wait for my soldier.
So what can I say to Phoenix? Mom, I love you more than words can say. I’m so glad and thankful that you came to spend these weeks with me. You helped me with so much, helping me complete projects, test ideas for my kids at school, cleaning my house, cooking, taking care of the animals, and of course helping me focus and redirect my energy into my new goals. I can’t even tell you how much I’m going to miss having you around the house, sharing my time and experiencing Europe with me. I hope that you enjoyed your time and being here, and that the time until I see you with be short. Even though I am an old married woman, I am and always will be your little girl. I love you.