It’s official. I’m finally back online with regularity. I got the photography blog rolling a week or two ago, and got my design page back on its feet. So now, I finally find the time to play catch-up here.
You know what else is official now? Our change of address. Yes… that’s right. I am no longer wandering around Europe. I am back in the states, and Green Lantern and I are slowly settling into our new home.
So… where to begin?
After finish my final performances at my Theatre… lots of tears…lots of painful goodbyes… we started packing out the house, and moved into a guest house in our “hometown” for the past three years. Green Lantern was really sweet to me and I can’t thank him enough for letting me go and work elsewhere with a dear friend. All that was happening around me felt too fast and rushed. It made me so anxious. Working away from it all was truly the best thing I could do.
Two nights before we left for the states, I was surprised by a group of people who I really, truly love with a little dinner. I can’t even describe to you the love I felt that evening. It was exactly what I needed to start to let go. You guys know goodbyes are hard… walking out of that small, intimate group of friends was one of the most difficult things in had to do in Germany.
The large company part was the night we left. We went, but my anxiety about the large group made some of it easier to a certain extent. There were still tough goodbyes… girls I had gotten close to in the last couple of months in Germany. But as often with the Military… we promise to see each other again. After all, army aviation is a relatively small community.
The next morning… that was it. Green Lantern and I were on a plane. That is one positive thing I can say… I was glad I wasn’t going to have to make that long, agonizing flight back over the pond. Still, I definitely pity my Lantern for having to deal with a semi-distraught Batgirl for most of the trip. As a sidenote… don’t try to fly with a dog in Chicago… you WILL regret it. Friendly advice. 🙂
We flew first to Green Lantern’s family, and spent a couple of weeks there. It was a good thing. My Lantern hadn’t been home since we got married, and had not met his niece yet. It warmed my heart to see him play with her. She had changed so much since I last saw her… it’s amazing what a year can do.
My family was next. This was the first real point since we came back to the states that I started to feel a little at home myself. It’s easier with your own family I think. I miss my mom and dad so much when I’m away, and I feel so blessed that I could see my brother almost every day… a pleasure I had not really had since I was in high school. We stayed with them a few weeks, and before I knew it I was off into the great unknown.
We arrived in our new home in the middle of the night. Well… in a local hotel in the city of our new home. I was too exhausted to think much else until I woke up the next morning. I peeked out the window and looked at Colorado Springs for the first time.
My first feeling was relief. It felt much like Anchorage to me, where I lived as a teenager. There was a sense of familiarity to it that I think I definitely needed at that point. I still felt lost and lonely and anxious… but I thought maybe I could do this.
We got our house later that day. I have to say that our house is amazing. It’s wonderfully big, with three bedrooms and plenty of storage. Our unaccompanied baggage came the next day, and there was some comfort in seeing some of my own things. The first half of our housing shipment came a week later or so and we finally had some furniture. Then my anxiety set in again. Green Lantern had to go, away to a class, for the next 6 weeks.
I would be lying if I said I said I didn’t feel a little upset at the idea of being here alone. Luckily… I wasn’t alone long. Batman to the rescue!
I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to have my dad here with me for those first couple of weeks alone. He brought me the rest of my things from his house, helped me unpack, set my house in order as much as we could. He set up my washer and dryer and kept my driveway clear. He hung pictures on the wall for me, and helped me transport my carpet back and forth to get bound. He built me a table in my workshop and put shelving in my bathroom and one of the extra bedrooms. He drove me to my dance lessons and helped me pick up my new kitten. But most of all, he was just there for me. He was someone to talk to and cook for. We watched tv or movies in the evening and I felt safe when I went to bed at night. Having Batman here was such a blessing to me. There is no way my house would have become functional without him.
But eventually he had to leave to go back home, and I was truly left to my own devices. The second part of my housing shipment arrived, but missing a number of boxes. I struggled trying to unpack with no hardware to put any of the shelving units or beds together. I went to a bunch of job interviews and was rejected. Long story short…. I was stressed out and very overwhelmed. All of my anxiety came back instantly. My one happy place was my new dance studio, and it was pretty much the only way to get me out of the house.
Now… well I’m happy to say things are finally starting to even out. I still miss Germany. I miss traveling like crazy. I miss my friends. But I’m learning slowly to love my new home too. Green Lantern came back just last week and has since helped a lot in getting the house more livable again. As with everything in the Military, it is an adjustment period. Maybe I’m not perfectly happy. Maybe I’m still nervous and jittery. Maybe I get overwhelmed easily. But with my Lantern here… I think maybe I can do it.